DISSAPEARING

Since Pelafina echoed most things from this place into her world.
i decided to delete the posts here.
and i deleted some.
and then, i got completely into one big knot:
my head between my legs my arms changed left to right, my hands holding my toes,
i don't know if you can imagine me being a knot

why?
because this blogspace is there to think out loud. and so i did. crap or not.
and i started to like this retrospective look, of where i started and where i went to
and this little line and trace in this imagination-thought-process and this being alone and still getting contaminated by other voices and how this contamination grows, little by little...
so, why should i erase this little history?
because how do you show and share your thoughtprocesses otherwise in a space like this?

but then i thought: "well, that's not true, you are not erasing it, as if it is dissapearing for ever"!
because it is somehow there, but transformed!
so it's not some sudden scary empty gap !
(yes, scary, that's the feeling i got)

but then again i think: "well if you would always think like that, you would always have something temporary
with no little history of how this has grown!"

So should this little history get a place somehow?
Or should an archive not be an archive, is it only something to never look at, because you have to go on and on and on and on
and you leave it behind in some cellar underground, becoming colourless, wrinkeled, humid, invisible?

and ofcourse these are only some futile or not futile thoughts and things here, from some person out there. and of course it maybe is only "important" for me, because who would care about this?

But looking at it from a different perspective, in a bigger picture, thinking we are creating something, FOR some-else
and this creating is not producing, so what is there to show?
and since i want to share something and give a choice for some one to take or leave it...

so ok, if we would collectively do that, in the bigger picture of our society, which is something we do i guess;
what does that mean?

so yes, it's scary and paradoxal and confusing